A Limerick for Every Chapter in The Lord of the Rings
by a.talking.dog
Summary: It's just as it says on the tin; there's Tolkien-themed limericks within. Some silly and glad, some mournful and sad. I hope that you'll give it a skim.
1. Book 1: The Ring Sets Out

_So I've been really into poems lately for some reason. So, here's part 1 of my current project: a limerick for every chapter in J.R.R Tolkien's_ _The Lord of the Rings_ _._

* * *

 **Book 1: The Ring Sets Out**

 **A Long Expected Party**

Old Bilbo stood up on a chair  
And said, "Though I know it's not fair,  
All things must have ends;  
I'm leaving, my friends,"  
Then vanished right into thin air.

* * *

 **A Shadow of the Past**

I fear I have bad news to bring.  
I've learned such a terrible thing:  
That all lands will fall  
Under Mordor's thrall  
If Sauron gets hold of your ring.

* * *

 **Three is Company**

'Twas under a sky dark and grey,  
The day after Bilbo's birthday,  
When young hobbits four  
Stepped out their front door  
And let the road sweep them away.

* * *

 **A Shortcut to Mushrooms**

They weren't much for metals or jewels  
Or other things big folks pursued  
A hobbit's desire  
Was simple and mild:  
A big bowl of fresh mushrooms, stewed.

* * *

 **A Conspiracy Unmasked**

Oh, Frodo dear, the ring to us is known,  
But surely our deep care for you has shown  
That if you would embark  
On journey long and dark  
We'd never, ever let you go alone.

* * *

 **The Old Forest**

They pushed through a tangle of sticks,  
And willows that played nasty tricks.  
They'd thought it'd be good  
To cut through the wood,  
But Old Forest trees are real dicks.

* * *

 **In the House of Tom Bombadil**

Old Tom Bom-ba-dilly-do-deared  
A fellow with brown bristling beard  
Who dances and sings,  
Unbothered by rings.  
He really is bafflingly weird.

* * *

 **Fog on the Barrow-downs**

Sleeping in the barrow dressed like lords  
The hobbits lay, with dark wraith creeping towards.  
Through daring use of rhyme,  
Frodo got them out in time.  
They even got four hobbit-sized bright swords!

* * *

 **At the Sign of The Prancing Pony**

Well, Bree is sure a pleasant little town.  
There's really nothing like it to be found.  
A peaceful land for all  
Be they larger folks, or small.  
There's men in houses, hobbits underground.

* * *

 **Strider**

Though I will admit, I'm not confident,  
I think this man's help would be positive.  
And despite his sharp stare,  
He looks foul, but feels fair;  
The enemy would be the opposite.

* * *

 **A Knife in the Dark**

When the sun had sank, the wraiths descended  
On the town, which was quite undefended.  
The hobbit's tiny beds  
They tore to fluff and shreds.  
Luckily, the rooms were unattended.

* * *

 **Flight to the Ford**

This morgul knife's a weapon dark and fell.  
I fear Frodo may fall under its spell.  
A wound from Nazgûl steel  
Is past my skill to heal.  
We must get him at once to Rivendell.

* * *

 _Well here we are. The chapter's done. I hope that you enjoyed book 1, 'cause writing it was pretty fun. Book 2 is next! We've just begun._


	2. Book 2: The Ring Goes South

**Book 2: The Ring Goes South**

 **Many Meetings**

The Hall of Fire's such a lovely place  
With singing voices filling all the space  
Which Frodo found quite restful,  
But what he found the best, though,  
Was seeing Uncle Bilbo's smiling face.

* * *

 **The Council of Elrond**

Though not how he'd want it to be,  
There's only one option to see:  
Through darkness and gloom  
To Mountain of Doom,  
The ring-bearer has to be he.

* * *

 **The Ring Goes South**

A small fellowship was arranged  
That folk from all races contained.  
And with time, they'd learn  
Not all would return,  
And all those that did would be changed.

* * *

 **A Journey in the Dark**

The word that we have to procure  
Is nothing too awfully obscure.  
It's on the gate penned;  
We simply say 'friend.'  
It's really not very secure.

* * *

 **The Bridge of Khazad-dûm**

Before that great, fiery mass,  
Stood Gandalf, above the crevasse.  
And at a great cost,  
For Gandalf was lost,  
The fearsome Balrog did not pass.

* * *

 **Lothlórien**

Your caution with me is excess!  
I won't have it done, not unless  
You make your distrust  
A bit less unjust,  
And also blindfold Legolas.

* * *

 **The Mirror of Galadriel**

Said Frodo to Lady of Trees,  
"I'd give you this ring, if you please."  
She cried, "A queen fair!  
All'd love and despair!"  
Then sighed, "Nah, I guess I'll just leave."

* * *

 **Farewell to Lórien**

I know what I say's rather bold,  
But 'name what you want,' I was told.  
I only suggest it.  
I'd never request it.  
A strand of your hair, long and gold?

* * *

 **The Great River**

Sam Gamgee was looking quite grim  
He feared both for life and for limb.  
Perhaps this great river  
Would not make him quiver  
If only he knew how to swim.

* * *

 **The Breaking of the Fellowship**

But Frodo, that ring is the key  
To saving my people! You see?  
If you will not help,  
I'll take it myself  
By force, since you won't give it free.

* * *

 _You read my thing! That's really nice  
_ _'Cause having readers rocks!  
_ _Now please leave comments or advice  
_ _Down in this little box._


	3. Book 3: The Treason of Isengard

**Book 3: The Treason of Isengard**

 **The Departure of Boromir**

Poor Aragorn said with a groan,  
"I would not leave Frodo alone,  
But if we would scheme  
To cross o'er the stream,  
Then we'd Pip and Merry disown."

* * *

 **The Riders of Rohan**

No matter how hard those three tried  
Those Orcs were just quicker in stride.  
But I'd call it luck,  
Cause if they'd caught up,  
They probably all would have died.

* * *

 **The Uruk-Hai**

An argument ran through the horde  
Just over whose land to head toward.  
Such violence and hate!  
In Orcish debate,  
The best argument is a sword.

* * *

 **Treebeard**

Young Pip found the Ents rather slow.  
For hours they'd rumble and groan.  
They'd _hroom_ and they'd _hum.  
_ They'd _boom_ and they'd _brum.  
_ And that was just saying hello!

* * *

 **The White Rider**

They'd need free arms to cut the ropes you saw.  
But if their legs were bound, they couldn't crawl.  
And therefore, we have found  
Not legs nor arms were bound.  
So why'd they even cut the rope at all?

* * *

 **The King of the Golden Hall**

Welcome you? Don't make me laugh!  
You're not more than common riff-raff.  
You just bring ill news,  
To people you use,  
And - Wait, do you still have your staff?!

* * *

 **Helm's Deep**

The Orcs let out bloodthirsty cries,  
And said, "Stupid man! It's unwise  
"To call a parley  
"And then only say,  
"'I wanted to see the sun rise.'"

* * *

 **The Road to Isengard**

Oh, I could have wandered for days!  
The shining white stone set in waves!  
The delicate shapes!  
The sparkling lakes!  
And what do the men call them? Caves!

* * *

 **Flotsam and Jetsam**

As Saruman looked down with fear and awe,  
He realized that his plan had one big flaw.  
For that wizard in Isengard  
Had ancient Fanghorn forest marred,  
And now the Ents were marching. _Ra-hoom-rah_!

* * *

 **The Voice of Saruman**

"You do me wrong," Saruman said.  
"Let's stop this war, have peace instead.  
"Think what good it'd bring."  
But Theoden King  
Said, "Saruman, not 'til you're dead."

* * *

 **The Palantír**

That orb Wormtongue threw is unique.  
It holds such a heavy mystique.  
How I would adore  
To know what it's for!  
Perhaps I could just take a peek?

* * *

 _And if you, like me, got 'When Johnny Comes Marching Home Again' stuck in your head from the poem for Flotsam and Jetsam, here's a bonus for you:_

 _The Ents marched into Isengard,_  
 _Hoom-rah! Hoom-rah!_  
 _They beat the walls to dust and shard,_  
 _Hoom-rah! Hoom-rah!_  
 _Old Saruman's plans had come crashing down,_  
 _Cause he had forgot there were Ents around,_  
 _And the Ents were marching,_  
 _Marching on Isengard._


	4. Book 4: The Ring Goes East

**Book 4: The Ring Goes East**

 **The Taming of Sméagol**

He'd prob'ly kill them in their sleep,  
But Gollum did snivel and weep.  
He screamed when they trussed him.  
They'd just have to trust him,  
But what promise would that wretch keep?

* * *

 **The Passage of the Marshes**

Dead faces, both rotten and fair  
Still lie there with weeds in their hair,  
And on a dark night  
If you follow a light  
You might get to join them in there.

* * *

 **The Black Gate is Closed**

We takes you to gate, dark and grim.  
But No! No, you mustn't go in!  
Don't go, master! Stay!  
It's no use that way!  
Don't go take the Precious to Him!

* * *

 **Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit**

Good Sméagol, see what he brought?  
Young rabbits, nice rabbits, we caught!  
They're juicy and swell  
And tender as well,  
But you ruins them with your pot.

* * *

 **The Window on the West**

This path leads to Mordor ahead,  
A dark place, where evil is bred.  
So tell me, small one,  
What errand you run  
And why my dear brother is dead.

* * *

 **The Forbidden Pool**

"It means death to come here, no less.  
"So, shall we shoot? He does transgress."  
And Frodo, he pled.  
"Don't kill him!" he said.  
Though Sam would have rather said yes.

* * *

 **Journey to the Cross-roads**

The stone king sat high in his throne  
Though Orcs had his head overthrown.  
It lay on the ground,  
But as a new crown  
A ring of white flowers had grown.

* * *

 **The Stairs of Cirith Ungol**

It flickered with light, sick and green,  
That tower the wraiths made unclean.  
As you are aware,  
It once had been fair  
But now was all twisted and mean.

* * *

 **Shelob's Lair**

A lady with ebony hair  
Adorned with fine silk, light and fair  
With eyes bright and clear  
And legs up to here  
(She's also a spider, beware!)

* * *

 **The Choices of Master Samwise**

There Frodo did lie, still and prone.  
Sam let out a sad, mournful moan.  
"Don't let him be dead,"  
Poor Sam begged and pled,  
"Don't make me go on all alone."

* * *

 _And now here's the part that's all up to you.  
Before you depart, please write a review!_


	5. Book 5: The War of the Ring

**Book 5: The War of the Ring**

 **Minas Tirith**

When Beregond came by to meet  
Young Peregrin there in the street,  
The first thing that halfling  
Had ended up asking  
Was "When do you Gondor-folks eat?"

* * *

 **The Passing of the Grey Company**

Said Strider, "I think you will find,  
"Though, Sauron, you're greater in mind,  
"The most crucial thing  
"Is I'm Gondor's true king.  
"This seeing stone here? This is mine."

* * *

 **The Muster of Rohan**

You cannot ride out with our force.  
I don't doubt your bravery, of course.  
Your heart's true and stout.  
Of that, there's no doubt.  
You're simply too small for a horse.

* * *

 **The Siege of Gondor**

Come now, there's no need to brood.  
I tell you with great certitude,  
These walls are quite strong.  
We'll keep out the throng.  
Well, 'til we all run out of food.

* * *

 **The Ride of the Rohirrim**

Well Dernhelm's a funny old bloke  
Why we've hardly e're even spoke.  
Though all day I'm pressed  
To his (strangely large) chest  
As he hides me under his cloak.

* * *

 **The Battle of the Pelennor Fields**

Before that dark wraith, others hid  
But Eowyn stood fast, and bid,  
"Leave my uncle be,  
"Or I will kill thee."  
And just as she promised, she did.

* * *

 **The Pyre of Denethor**

The fire burns hot in his brow.  
All hope do I now disavow.  
The tides will not turn.  
Soon all here will burn.  
Much better to end it all now.

* * *

 **The Houses of Healing**

The cure for this aliment's unknown.  
A shame there's no king on the throne.  
For hands of the king  
Are healing, they sing,  
And so can the true king be known.

* * *

 **The Last Debate**

My friend, now, I really do wish  
You would this sea-longing thing squish.  
The sea's not that great.  
Why make that your fate?  
It's salty and smells like dead fish.

* * *

 **The Black Gate Opens**

As the great host of Mordor advances  
They stand with their shields and their lances  
And hold their heads high,  
All ready to die  
For naught but the slimmest of chances.

* * *

 _Well, there's Book 5! I think you know  
_ _There's only one more book to go :(_


	6. Book 6: The End of the Third Age

**Book 6: The End of the Third Age**

 **The Tower of Cirith Ungol**

You fool, don't you see? there's no doubt,  
There's some fighter here of great clout.  
There he is! in the dark!  
Some great elf, or pale tark?  
I won't stick around to find out!

* * *

 **The Land of Shadow**

Because of the clothes and the shields that they bore  
They hoped they'd be taken for soldiers footsore.  
It worked all too well,  
For they heard a yell,  
"You lazy old slugs! Don't you know we're at war!?"

* * *

 **Mount Doom**

At least we are free now of rings,  
Though, not of the lava that brings.  
Whatever may be,  
I'm glad you're with me  
Here at the end of all things.

* * *

 **Field of Cormallen**

Galloping riders and wizardly plots,  
Strider a king and huge battles hard fought,  
Ships from dark shores,  
Trees waging wars,  
No doubt about it, we've missed a whole lot.

* * *

 **The Steward and the King**

There Arwen and Aragorn stand,  
And make good on all their long plans.  
It's like the old tale again,  
Beren and Lúthien,  
But Aragorn still has both hands.

* * *

 **Many Partings**

Now that you have all the facts,  
I think you've some words to take back.  
So recant your error,  
Say Galadriel's fairer,  
Or must I now go for my axe?

* * *

 **Homeward Bound**

They chatted and drank the fine beer,  
And all of Bree was in good cheer,  
But only as long  
As they sang no song,  
For fear that they might disappear.

* * *

 **The Scouring of the Shire**

He went on a rule-the-world spree?  
And murdered a village or three?  
It would have been fine,  
But he crossed the line!  
He cut down the old party tree!

* * *

 **The Grey Havens**

I'm sailing now, dear Sam, across the sea.  
I fear that that's the way that it must be.  
For mem'ries old and dark  
Are weighing down my heart.  
The world is saved, I know, but not for me.

* * *

 _Well, that's all the chapters now, all sixty-two._  
 _I guess now it's time that I end this._  
 _But first, thank you readers! Though you may be few,_  
 _Your feedback has just been tremendous._

 _So thanks to reviewers, to followers, favorites,_  
 _And all those who silently lurk._  
 _Knowing that people are reading made writing this_  
 _Really worth all the hard work._


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